i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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