I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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