Do you still have your period?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
