Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
