Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
