he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
