woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
