it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
