Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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