I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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