Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
