In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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