I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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