Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
