"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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