Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Every concussion has its silver lining
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
