JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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