In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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