We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
