i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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