is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
