she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
