This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
