i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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