I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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