last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
