I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
