So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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