she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
