woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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