I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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