i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
