we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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