Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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