Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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