i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
