Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
