just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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