Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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