I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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