Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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