Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
