oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
