woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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