all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
