I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
