oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
