why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
