I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
