Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
