I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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