I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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