we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Watching her eat just hurts me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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