I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
