Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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