I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
