i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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