I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
