Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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