I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
