i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
