I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize