Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
