oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
