im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
