I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
