my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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