Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
