apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize