so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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